hello, it's been so long

easy creative writing assignments are best left undone. or postponed. my abandoned and unfollowed blog will be a good warm up.
lately my life has revolved around my anxious habit of ripping savagely at my thumbs' cuticles, making hangnails. and then ripping savagely at the hangnails. it's ruining my life.
my writing has been sucking which makes me anxious because i have expectations of myself to live up to, since thinking about college makes me really anxious. i think i may be on the cusp of a nervous episode because i'm always so calm and i never cry. there's some stuff building up. i feel it, do you feel it? can you read me? my energy is being put into the wrong things but people are telling me it's right so i forget who to trust. choosing between myself and the people that want to shape me is sometimes hard. but it shouldn't be, should it?
hangnails and cuticles.
i miss my best friend, she has a boyfriend that loves her and she loves him but i think he loves other things that shouldn't be involved. i don't want her to get into trouble and i know that he might lead her into it.
i miss my best friend.
she hasn't called me back in well over a month and i miss talking to her about things that we can't stand talking about but we think it's all so funny because life was so funny and it's fun that i should have held onto because now it's gone and there's no more fun because the fun's not allowed.
i miss my best friend so much i haven't seen her, i wonder if she will adapt his pseudo-intelligence that only tells people to compliment it and make it more pseudo-powerful. i'm not afraid of it and maybe that's why she has lost her trust in me.
hangnails and cuticles.